The Results Are In

November 29th

I woke up feeling great and headed to Dr. Miracles office. When I arrived Nurse Awesome asked how the spotting was and I told her it had stopped. I was then asked to give another urine sample and then she took my blood for the beta test. I asked when I would know the results and she told me around 2 pm.

I went into work a half hour early because sitting around the house was driving me nuts. Every time the phone rang my heart dropped. 2 o'clock came and went and I still hadn't heard from Dr. Miracles office. DH was calling me about every 15 minutes to see if I received any news yet.

Finally around 3 o'clock the phone rang and it was Dr. Miracle. I swear my heart stopped beating when I heard his voice. He told me they received the results and he was sorry to announce they were negative. In between my sobs I managed to ask what our next step was. He said that I was young and he is confident this will work for us. He told me to stop all medications and to call the office the first day of my period and that the next IVF will be around the first week of January.

I hung up the phone and tried to pull myself together. I knew I had to call Ty and tell him the news. I was hoping to tell him in person but knew he would be calling again soon and there was no way to hide it from him. I sat there thinking how do I call my husband and tell him that my body has failed us again... HOW? I finally got the courage to pick up the phone and dial his number. I let it ring a couple times and then hung up because I began to cry. I didn't even know what I was going to say to him. I gave it another shot and this time he picked up before I could hang up. I could do nothing but sob I'm sorry into the phone repetitively. He kept telling me it was okay and not my fault. I felt differently, I felt and feel like it's all my fault. It's my body that can't give us a child. My body is the reason why we don't wake up to a baby crying in the middle of the night. My body is to blame why we have all those cute baby clothes in a hope chest instead of a closet.

I'm am extremely upset. I have cried so much in these past two days. This was the straw that broke the camels back. I have lost all my strength. There is nothing that can hurt a wife more than knowing she can't give her husband a child. I'm starting to think we will never have children and the thought of that saddens me deeply.

I apologize for this being so choppy. It took my everything to even type this. I am extremely emotional and upset. Please bare with me.

IVF Part Three

November 19th

The days prior to the 19th I was having extreme cramping. I assumed it was caused by the embryo transfer. After waking up on Friday, the 19th and still experiencing intense cramping I figured it was time to give Dr. Miracle a call. He requested that I come in to his office to be seen right away. I agreed and DH and I were on our way.

When we arrived we were taken back quicker than usual. I was asked to give a urine sample, still not sure why. Then I went to the exam room and met up with my DH. Dr. Miracle came in and examined my lower abdomen. He said that my ovaries were over stimulated and that was causing a lot of the cramping and discomfort. I was told not to wear jeans anymore and to go buy some maternity pants. Funny thing is... I could not bring myself to buy maternity pants, I thought it was bad luck. I settled for the be band from tar.get instead. In my opinion it worked just as well. It went around my belly so I could keep my pants unzipped and unbuttoned.

We returned home and I was a couch potato the rest of the day :)

Thanksgiving Day

I had some spotting in the morning and it stopped by afternoon. I was worried but decided not to call Dr. Miracle and stay off my feet all day.

The rest of the day was spent with family and I had a great time. I am so thankful for my big, loud, crazy Italian family. The whole day was filled with laughter.

November 27th 2010

When I arrived at work, I went to the bathroom. I discovered I was spotting again so I decided it was best to call Dr. Miracle. This was a Saturday so of course I had to deal with the lovely answering service. Let's just say the lady on the other end of the phone was not nice. In my opinion she had an attitude and should probably look for another job. Answering phones and being rude to hormonal worried infertile women probably is not a good idea.

Approximately five minutes later Dr. Miracle called me back. He said that spotting was not a good sign but there is still a chance the cycle was successful. He told me to continue all the medication and he would see me on Monday and to prepare for disappointing news.

I got off the phone balling. I was so worried, scared and upset. My boss (I'll call her LJ) was standing next to me during the conversation and could tell I didn't receive good news. She started crying and empathizing with me. I'm very grateful to have such an awesome boss. She is supportive of my treatments and does her best to work around my appointments. Thank you LJ!

I left work early because I needed to go home and rest. I needed to regain my faith and strength. I needed to think positive and let everything sink in and I needed to tell DH what was going on. He was very optimistic like always and told me everything would be okay. Do you see why I love this man so much? I can't say it enough... he is beyond amazing!!

Continued in part 4 :)

IVF Part Two

November 14th

The morning after egg retrieval we woke up before the roosters to do my PIO (progesterone in oil) injection. This is the needle that is HUGE, no exaggeration. It's about an 1 1/2" long. Dr. Miracle marked two bull eyes on my back side and that is where DH administered the injection. Let's just say he wasn't gentle. He is better now but the first week was a little tough.

Around 10 am I received a call from Nurse Awesome. She was calling to give us our fertilization report. They retrieved 20 eggs, only 15 were mature. Out of those 15, only 5 fertilized. She said they were hoping for more to fertilized. I asked her if we would even have any embryos to freeze for future use and she said it's too soon to tell. I was very disappointed but still grateful that we had something to work with.

Embryo Transfer

We arrived at Dr. Miracles office around 10am. I was filled with so many different emotions. Excited, happy, nervous, hopeful, scared, etc. DH and I were sitting patiently in the waiting room when Dr. Miracle came to talk to us. He told us that with my young age he felt comfortable putting two embryos back. This through me for a loop because at the egg retrieval he told me three. I asked him how many embryos we had left and he said only two survived. Oh I get it now... that is why he is saying two.

I was the brought to the back and prepped for embryo transfer. I was about to pee my pants because I couldn't pee for two hours prior to transfer. The reason why I couldn't pee is because they do an ultrasound to watch the embryos go into the uterus. I was lying in bed with six different people looking at my vagina. I felt totally violated but hey anything for a baby right :) They began the transfer and about 5 minutes later it was all done.

I had to lie in bed for 20 minutes before I was aloud up. Dr. Miracle came in before he headed to the hospital for scheduled surgeries. He said our chances were 50%. I guess that is better than nothing. I began to get dressed and was on strict orders to head home and stay in bed for two days. I was aloud to get up and go to the bathroom only but let's just say my back is still sore. I don't care what anyone says, when you have to lay on your back for two whole days. IT HURTS! DH did a great job catering to me. I think I annoyed him but I just have to say he is awesome. I'm so thankful to have such a loving, caring, and supportive husband.

continued in part 3 :)

IVF Part One

First of all I would like to apologize for not keeping my promise of blogging everyday. I have been trying to relax and every time I sat in front of the computer I always ventured off to google. Let's just say for a woman in her 2ww (two week wait) you can find some information on there that kills your hope for a successful cycle. So I decided to retire the computer for two weeks. Please don't be too mad at me :) Second, I have decided to break the IVF blogs into different parts. I’m not sure how many parts there will be so stay tuned :)

Injections

On November 4th I start taking the follicle stimulating injections. I took 1cc of Menopur and 150 IU of Follistim. I gave myself the injections in the abdomen everyday between 6-8 p.m. To my surprise they weren't that bad, by the end of the week I was a pro. I was monitored every couple days by my RE. By monitored I mean I had a date with Wandy (vaginal ultrasound) and a blood draw to check my estrogen levels. My appointments went great and my ovaries were responding well. I was producing several follicles and Dr. Miracle was very happy. On November 10th my Follistim was lowered to 75 IU due to my estrogen level being high and my ovaries were becoming over stimulated ( NOT FUN!). After my appointment on November 11th, I was told to trigger (ovidrel injection) that night and be back Saturday morning for egg retrieval.

Egg Retrieval

On November 13th my DH and I arrived at Dr. Miracles at 9:00 am. I was brought back and prepped for "surgery". The room looked a lot like a operating room. DH wasn't aloud back because it was a sterile environment (I know, I wasn't happy about this). The anesthesiologist (I'll call him Dr. Facetious) attempted to start my I.V in my forearm. After telling him 500 times he wouldn't get it there, 5 failed attempts and my arm looking like swiss cheese...he finally moved it to my front elbow area. Then Dr. Facetious begins to ask me the usual, "How many surgeries have you had? Do you have any reactions to anesthesia?" Then he asks me this question, "What is your date of birth?" I replied, "05/21/198_." He double looked at the chart and then at me and said, "What are you doing here." I replied with a simple IVF. Then this ass proceeds to say, "Don't you want to wait 10 years and then come back? You know, become successful and everything. Your so young to settle down with a child. Are you even married?" As I sat in that bed I could feel my blood boiling. I wanted nothing but to get up and knock his old ass out or give him a few choice words. Instead I responded with a nice "NO, I'm not coming back. I've wanted and waited a long time for this." I was then put to sleep.

When I woke up I was brought to the recovery room where I met with my husband. I was still pissed off at Dr. Facetious and my DH wasn't too happy about his statements either. Dr. Miracle and Nurse Awesome came in and told me how the procedure went. They retrieved 20 eggs!!! Dr. Miracle was very happy with this number. He explained to me how they couldn't retrieve all the eggs from my left ovary because it was being stubborn and wouldn't come out from behind my uterus. I was also happy with this number and had high hopes when I left his office.

DH and I left his office and went to grab something to eat because I was starving. I wasn't aloud to eat anything passed midnight the "previous day". I was feeling nauseous but Dr. Facetious wrote it off to an empty stomach. After eating a lite lunch we headed home. About 30 minutes after we were home I vomited all over the place. I was so mad. I told Dr. Facetious that I ALWAYS have a reaction to anesthesia, it makes me nauseous. Apparently he didn't listen to that. Needless to say I don't care for Dr. Facetious at ALL. After a couple hours I felt better and took a nap. When I woke up from my nap I was extremely crampy. I called Dr. Miracle and he said it was normal and to take some Ty.lenol. I did and managed to fall asleep for the rest of the night.

To be continued in part 2 :)