Tough Week

Infertility is one of the hardest things to deal with. The hurt you feel when you find out your broken and not able to give your spouse children is extremely overbearing. As an infertile woman the main thing I need is support. I need people to lift my spirits when I'm down and empathize with me when I receive bad news.

I just wish people could understand how hard this is for my husband and I. No one knows what we are going through unless they have actually been in our shoes. I don’t think anyone understands the pain of having to tell your husband several times that you’re not pregnant. Then to see the sadness in his eyes, it just breaks my heart into a million pieces. I cannot help but to feel like I've let him down.

When you’re diagnosed with infertility you grieve. Some people don’t understand this but you grieve the fact that you may never have children. My whole life I envisioned being a mommy. When I met Tyler I just knew he would be the perfect husband and father. We would always talk about having children. Any future plans we made we would always think of the possibility of having little ones around and what would be the best for them. When I found out that getting pregnant would not be easy for us and there was a possibility I would never experience pregnancy… I grieved as if I lost someone or something. Even though it wasn’t an actual person I lost, I still grieved.

My husband has been extremely supportive and so strong through this whole process but I know it’s hurting him just as much as it does me. He just amazes me and is the reason I keep going. I asked my husband if I could use his phone a couple days ago and I saw a text conversation between him and my mother in law. They were asking each other what they wanted for Christmas. Tyler told her what he really wanted for Christmas was a young’n. It breaks my heart to know that there is a possibility we may never have a child combined of our DNA.

I have been having an extremely hard time this past week. I really thought IVF would work for us... knowing it didn’t just about kills me.